you light up our lives, little man. i can't even imagine this world without you.
12 July, 2013
11 April, 2013
welcome, vaughn.
this is a love story about a baby that was patiently waited for. who was loved before we knew he was a he. it's about a boy who we are falling in love with more by each passing moment. a tiny baby who makes his sister proud and has shown her a love she didn't know her heart was capable of feeling until now. we are so happy to welcome him into our little family and show him all the love we have to give.
today is my "due date" but we've already had 8 days to fall head over heels for this sweet little man. all of his snorts and squeals and the way his chest rises and falls as he sleeps the days away. his silky soft peach fuzz and the way that his forehead wrinkles as his expressions change. his milky lips and his almond shaped blue eyes. his fuzzy little ears and mini versions of his daddy's toes. his long fingers and every bit of his 19 and a half inch, 8 pound 7 ounce body. we love him so completely.
i was so lucky to have my best friend lauren photograph his birth. she was there for a few hours of my labor and a couple hours after his birth, and she captured everything i could have dreamed of remembering from that beautiful day.
i woke up at 2AM to the glorious sound of my dog barfing. i realized that i was having a contraction, which wasn't unusual at all -- they'd been coming and going for weeks, but had definitely picked up at night, and were sometimes even painful for a few and then would taper off. this time was different though, i couldn't fall back asleep. they seemed to be coming pretty regularly, and try as i might, i couldn't ignore them. i got up and took a shower to see if that made them go away but it didn't. i wasn't exactly ready. i had big plans for the next day. we were supposed to get our maternity photos taken and i really wanted a photo of me holding zoe and her legs draping over my tummy. it's the last little baby-ness that she was hanging onto. i wanted photos of jesse and i anticipating our second baby, and of all of us together... our last little moments as a family of three. i also wanted to clean my house and get a manicure. and THEN i'd be ready. but he had other plans.
after a couple hours of pretty regular contractions, i called my mom to come stay with zoe. she was here by 7AM and we went to kiss zoe goodbye. she woke up and we got to have share some sweet moments before we headed to the hospital. the whole way there i was sort of in disbelief. my contractions really didn't hurt too bad and they seemed so far apart, and not lasting very long. we were traveling to loudoun in rush hour, which was what i was so nervous about in the months leading up to the birth, but it ended up not being a big deal at all. we got there and i decided we needed to go to the store to get some food for the nurses and some life savers for me and some breakfast for jesse. we did that and meandered into the birthing inn around 8:30 in the morning.
i got checked into triage and i warned them that i was pretty sure i was still in really early labor. that we were thinking of getting a hotel so i could labor there and come back later. my midwife agreed and gave us some hotel recommendations and we chatted for a minute before she checked me. then she did that and this incredibly surprised look and a big smile came over her face and she said "you're SEVEN centimeters!" i was completely shocked. my immediate reaction was excitement, but it was almost immediately followed by a little bit of anxiety. i did not think she was going to say that and i was feeling a little unprepared for some reason. needless to say, they got me into a room and i got back in bed in an attempt to "rest" but couldn't really. i was nervous and feeling kind of unsure about what was going to happen next. with zoe, my labor was 22 hours and once i was in the hospital i progressed about a centimeter an hour until i started pushing. i pushed for three long hours with her, and i did not want to do that again. everyone assured me that i wouldn't, but i just wasn't mentally ready to do it yet.
my contractions were still really spread out, but i just breathed through them and kind of wondered how long i'd go on like this. i called my doula and dear friend juli, who wasn't able to come because of an illness, but she was so helpful even over the phone. i told her about how nervous i was and at this point i'd just been having these weak contractions every 8-12 minutes or so, and was slowly progressing, but felt like there was something i should do. she recommended that i get up and walk around and just try mentally rally and to know that when i was ready to have the baby, i would. both her and my midwife and nurse agreed that it was more mental than anything. i was so close, so as soon as i was ready, it was just going to happen really fast. i had to get my mind prepared and at peace and ready to take on what was in front of me. and i really wanted to meet my son, so that helped.
i decided that if by 4:00PM things hadn't picked up, i would let paula (my midwife) break my water to get things going. 4:00 came and things were the same. slow progress but it was time. she broke my water and warned me things would certainly get more intense and things would probably start happening pretty quickly. wow, she was right.
i started having really hard contractions almost immediately and i remember thinking "now THIS is labor." it almost felt good, in this way, like NOW i'm making some progress. my contractions pretty much came on top of each other, with little breaks in between but since he was posterior, most of the pain was in my back. since my water was broken, that cushion was gone so even if i wasn't having a contraction the ache and pressure of it was still there. i can say with certainty, it was the most intense hour of my life.
after an hour of laboring like that, paula said i could start pushing through the pain if i wanted to because he was "right there." i was a little reluctant to do that because that's what i did last time with zoe and it just took so long and wore me out so completely. but i trusted her, and i'm glad i did. i pushed for 12 minutes and my sweet boy slipped into the world and into our arms.
at 5:27PM, vaughn elias hebert (who actually didn't have a name until the day after he was born) was welcomed into the world. weighing in at a whopping 8 pounds and 6.7 ounces, he filled up our arms and our hearts immediately. he looked almost identical to zoe when she was placed on my chest. and jesse and i could not stop smiling at each other with that look of complete wonder and awe and gratitude and intense joy all wrapped into one. we did it again.
we called my parents and told them it was time to bring zoe to meet her brother. i couldn't wait for this part. i had envisioned it in my head and played out the different ways it could go. i hoped for the best and knew that she'd love him with everything she had. i could have never known how sweet those moments would be. my heart felt like it was going to explode the whole time she was there. her first kisses and the way she excitedly held her hands to her mouth, the way she wanted to hold him immediately, and the look of pride on her face when she did. it was like she grew up in those moments, right in front of our eyes. i can't even describe how it feels to watch your first born fall in love with a sibling the same way you fell in love with them -- when you were shown that new kind of love. those are moments i will cherish forever and never forget.
her very first kiss for her brother. the first of many.
oh, my heart.
our first family photo.
a big giant extra special thank you to my sweet, sweet friend lauren, who was there to capture all of this. i could never thank you enough, but i'll try anyway. it meant so much to us to have you there. xoxo.
our hearts are so very, very full. thank you so much to everyone for your love and support and help in welcoming our sweet boy to the world. we love you all.
25 March, 2013
ready shmeady.
damn. i forgot again. i have been so consumed with life and all of it's little intricacies that i've forgotten about writing for the most part. i kind of suck at that! suddenly, i found myself with a moment alone, listening to the decemberists on pandora and reading a new blog that inspired me when i yelled out "no fucking thanks!" to my dogs who continue to do these high-pitched yappy barks at each and every squirrel and car that may drive within a mile of our house. i find it extremely liberating to say, or even more satisfying, to yell obscenities when i'm home alone or when zoe is asleep. it feels good. but anyway, i suddenly was like -- i should write!
it's in random moments like these that bring up the urge for me to purge my mind. don't ask why. maybe just because i'm alone and that really hasn't happened lately... at all. it feels nice. plus i have a pack of reese's peanut butter eggs next to me (thank you liam) holding me over until my mexican dinner with a couple of my favorite girlfriends, so i'm basically in pregnant heaven.
so, i'm officially "full term." YEEHAW! which means, that really at any moment i could go into labor. i doubt it'll happen until at least my due date (in about two and a half weeks) or later but, IT COULD. which is the crazy part. i haven't been nesting at all the past few weeks -- only really tired and eating my body weight in food daily, allowing my laundry to pile up, never finishing my to do lists, and hardly stepping foot in the dude's room to finish the nursery that surely he won't sleep in for the first few months (this is how i justify why there is still painters tape and ladders and things meant to be hung leaning against the walls). i'm constantly being asked if i'm ready... and i say different things that mostly mean -- not really. but are we ever really ready? i don't think so.
[BAM! there he is. almost 38 weeks. i get comments ranging from 'WOW he's huge' to 'you're so tiny!' to 'i can see that your face is fatter!' which brings me to my PSA -- especially to women who have been pregnant -- do you not remember being pregnant? no pregnant woman wants to be told how "huge" she is or how "fat" she looks. for the love.]
anyway, back to the ready thing. so, then i think about it and i think that in many ways i'm more ready than i was last time. and in many ways i'm not. since it's been a good four and a half years since i've done this, and i don't have the best memory in the world, there is a lot that i just plain don't remember. i've heard it's like riding a bike, and luckily i can awkwardly pick that back up and eventually ride in a somewhat straight line without falling. so, i'm hoping this will work out similarly.
the anxieties of being a new mom aren't really there this time, which is nice. anxiety of any kind is not my favorite thing but something that i struggle with in a lot of areas of my life. i'm not really obsessing over having everything in the right place but more in spending time with my family in this way that i know will soon change. i'm cherishing the moments alone with zoe and am happy when she picks out longer books at bedtime or comes into our bed in the middle of the night to "lay with me for a second" (aka all night) or asks me to play candy land with her or if she can help me cook -- i know that it's the uninterrupted moments of snuggling and spending quality time that may look a little different here shortly.
she is such a treasure.
and jesse. ohhhhh, i love that man. these may be the most romantic months we've shared in a long time. he is so sweet and thoughtful and gentle and just... the best man i could hope for. the little things he does for me and the way he holds me (whale-ish and all) and all of our conversations about life and love and parenting and the future and most importantly, the PRESENT. and we have really just been soaking in our time alone together, too. of course we know, one day, we'll have it again but i imagine the 2AM wake ups and the tired days and the bassinet next to our bed for months and how different our life looked when zoe came into it, and how different it will look again soon. don't get me wrong, we're so incredibly excited to meet him, but we're not rushing either. it's a sweet waiting phase, really.
i did suddenly begin to nest this past weekend, though. it happened only in the form of decorating at first. i had a very strong urge to go to lowe's and buy yellow paint and paint our terribly dated front door, decorate our front porch, buy a wide variety of succulents, get my hands dirty planting, and rearrange our entryway. my giant body is not thanking me for my weekend-long burst of energy, but my heart is. it felt damn good, and so did the shower that i finally took today and scraping all of the yellow paint off of my fingernails and doing my hair and getting dressed in normal clothes. and then zoe walked in and said, "do you have a session or something?" and in that moment i realized (again), i do not dress enough. or bathe enough maybe. or do my hair and make up. clearly. and i don't see that improving with more children, either. ah well. who needs an ego anyway?
the nesting bug did spread out a little bit into other areas and i did some cleaning and laundry and put the rest of his clothes away and readied his room a little bit more. i even thought a lot about packing the hospital bag and didn't, but i think i'll do that soon, too. there was something else i was going to say but... fish tacos are calling my name and you know i will not be late to a mexican dinner feast with my girls. ever.
love love love to everyone.
it's in random moments like these that bring up the urge for me to purge my mind. don't ask why. maybe just because i'm alone and that really hasn't happened lately... at all. it feels nice. plus i have a pack of reese's peanut butter eggs next to me (thank you liam) holding me over until my mexican dinner with a couple of my favorite girlfriends, so i'm basically in pregnant heaven.
so, i'm officially "full term." YEEHAW! which means, that really at any moment i could go into labor. i doubt it'll happen until at least my due date (in about two and a half weeks) or later but, IT COULD. which is the crazy part. i haven't been nesting at all the past few weeks -- only really tired and eating my body weight in food daily, allowing my laundry to pile up, never finishing my to do lists, and hardly stepping foot in the dude's room to finish the nursery that surely he won't sleep in for the first few months (this is how i justify why there is still painters tape and ladders and things meant to be hung leaning against the walls). i'm constantly being asked if i'm ready... and i say different things that mostly mean -- not really. but are we ever really ready? i don't think so.
[BAM! there he is. almost 38 weeks. i get comments ranging from 'WOW he's huge' to 'you're so tiny!' to 'i can see that your face is fatter!' which brings me to my PSA -- especially to women who have been pregnant -- do you not remember being pregnant? no pregnant woman wants to be told how "huge" she is or how "fat" she looks. for the love.]
anyway, back to the ready thing. so, then i think about it and i think that in many ways i'm more ready than i was last time. and in many ways i'm not. since it's been a good four and a half years since i've done this, and i don't have the best memory in the world, there is a lot that i just plain don't remember. i've heard it's like riding a bike, and luckily i can awkwardly pick that back up and eventually ride in a somewhat straight line without falling. so, i'm hoping this will work out similarly.
the anxieties of being a new mom aren't really there this time, which is nice. anxiety of any kind is not my favorite thing but something that i struggle with in a lot of areas of my life. i'm not really obsessing over having everything in the right place but more in spending time with my family in this way that i know will soon change. i'm cherishing the moments alone with zoe and am happy when she picks out longer books at bedtime or comes into our bed in the middle of the night to "lay with me for a second" (aka all night) or asks me to play candy land with her or if she can help me cook -- i know that it's the uninterrupted moments of snuggling and spending quality time that may look a little different here shortly.
she is such a treasure.
and jesse. ohhhhh, i love that man. these may be the most romantic months we've shared in a long time. he is so sweet and thoughtful and gentle and just... the best man i could hope for. the little things he does for me and the way he holds me (whale-ish and all) and all of our conversations about life and love and parenting and the future and most importantly, the PRESENT. and we have really just been soaking in our time alone together, too. of course we know, one day, we'll have it again but i imagine the 2AM wake ups and the tired days and the bassinet next to our bed for months and how different our life looked when zoe came into it, and how different it will look again soon. don't get me wrong, we're so incredibly excited to meet him, but we're not rushing either. it's a sweet waiting phase, really.
i did suddenly begin to nest this past weekend, though. it happened only in the form of decorating at first. i had a very strong urge to go to lowe's and buy yellow paint and paint our terribly dated front door, decorate our front porch, buy a wide variety of succulents, get my hands dirty planting, and rearrange our entryway. my giant body is not thanking me for my weekend-long burst of energy, but my heart is. it felt damn good, and so did the shower that i finally took today and scraping all of the yellow paint off of my fingernails and doing my hair and getting dressed in normal clothes. and then zoe walked in and said, "do you have a session or something?" and in that moment i realized (again), i do not dress enough. or bathe enough maybe. or do my hair and make up. clearly. and i don't see that improving with more children, either. ah well. who needs an ego anyway?
the nesting bug did spread out a little bit into other areas and i did some cleaning and laundry and put the rest of his clothes away and readied his room a little bit more. i even thought a lot about packing the hospital bag and didn't, but i think i'll do that soon, too. there was something else i was going to say but... fish tacos are calling my name and you know i will not be late to a mexican dinner feast with my girls. ever.
love love love to everyone.
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