oh, my sweet girl,
you woke up so excited this morning for your first day of preschool. my heart did a little happy dance that you were excited, and not scared. you wanted toast with cream cheese on it and juice, and you wanted to wear pink and green. you were excited that we both had the same color shirt on and that you got to wear toms with no socks. you wanted to carry your tote bag and your lunch box AND your project and you were ready.
you were READY.
that was really powerful to witness. you see, ever since you were itty bitty, you've always been a quiet observer. i identify with you in that way so much, so maybe my empathy is on overdrive when i watch you take it all in -- soaking up every bit of the world around you and making sure you feel comfortable and safe before you step forward. many times i've wondered if i projected that onto you, if i made you anxious unnecessarily or if it was my fault you weren't as confident as some of the other kids. but then i stopped blaming myself and trying to make it something it wasn't and i just loved you for exactly who you are.
so sometimes you're not ready to do what all the other kids are doing or maybe you need ten minutes to sit and watch before you join in. i cringed when people said "she's just shy" because i didn't want anyone to label you. i just wanted you to be able to feel however you felt, without worrying that something was wrong with it.
maybe some sweet kid would see your coy little smile and grab your hand and make you feel included and maybe you just want to sit on my lap for awhile. maybe it was more important to teach you, slowly, that the world is a safe place and that you can trust people. sometimes reluctance is good and being aware of your surroundings and finding your place takes a little bit of time, and that's okay. you can take all the time you need.
it made me so happy to know that it sunk in and it worked. those years of nurturing you and not pushing you to do things you weren't ready for but demonstrating that you were safe, and you were loved, and that the unknown is not always scary and there are so many fun adventures waiting to be had. and when you were ready, we'd be cheering you on. your spirit and sense of adventure grew along with your body and you embrace life and love with all that you have.
and today was one of those days. you knew it was coming and you anticipated it's arrival. you woke up early and counted down the minutes until it was time. you looked into my eyes and you told me that you were going to miss me you leaned your head onto me and i breathed you in. i love you with every little bit of my soul.
and as hard as it was to watch you walk into your new school holding your teacher's hand and knowing that i'm going to have a lot of really quiet hours without you by my side during the day, i was even happier for YOU. for your mind and your heart and the experiences that i know you will remember, forever. for the friends you'll make and the songs you'll sing and the dances you'll create and the love you'll share. my heart is so full for you.
i'll miss those hours that i used to have, just me and you. but with the end of that chapter comes a new one and i will be cheering you on from here. i'm so happy that you get to share your beautiful heart and mind with even more people now.
i love you so much.
your biggest fan,
mama
