right here.

this morning i woke up kind of discombobulated. i love using that word whenever i can, it's awesome. anyway, my mom is having surgery today and even though it's a pretty simple outpatient procedure, i can't help but worry. i'm kind of a nervous nancy when it comes to things like that. so i exchange a few texts with her and tell her i love her way too many times (not possible) and chat back and forth with my step dad. it goes a little something like this.

whhhhaaaatever. but for real, i'm really excited for what's to come for my mom. this little thing should make life a whole lot easier and hopefully a lot more comfortable and just... better. so cheers to that! and thank you scott for texting me and calling me every step of the way. to make me laugh a little and remember that this is GOOD! and it is.

so i picture her like this and i know everything will be just fine.

on another note, someone took my baby. don't freak out, i don't mean it like that. i just mean.... where did my baby go?!


she went through this little phase where she wasn't really into getting her picture taken. i immediately stopped taking pictures (that she noticed) because the last thing i wanted was for her to develop some kind of hatred for the camera, or to have the feeling that it's always there when she doesn't want it to be. the whole reason i love to take pictures is to capture what really is. so i took a little break from photographing her for awhile and have started to slowly ease back into it - just snapping one here or there. but this morning, she chose (insisted on) wearing this dress, which she's about one millimeter from outgrowing. she dressed herself, she put her own panties and shoes on, and brushed her own teeth. and it just dawned on me. she's really not a baby anymore. and she suddenly doesn't mind me taking her picture anymore either, for right now at least. i'll take it.



i'm loving all the changes. embracing all the changes really. but, it still just blows my mind! how fast this all happens... how we went from here:


to here:


in a YEAR.

you know those moments where it just hits you? like they wake up and you feel like they must have grown two inches and developed 12 new speech patterns and lost the baby chub on their legs and expanded their vocabulary by 26 words overnight? it was one of those moments.

i'm so proud of everything she is and i love and appreciate every moment i am with her. even in the challenges, of which there have been quite a few as we enter the "threes"...i'm grateful for the teacher that she is. and how when i get frustrated, i'm reminded to work on patience. and when i feel hurt, i'm reminded to breathe and to put things in perspective. when i feel lost or unsure i'm reminded of my inner wisdom and my intuition. and when there are moments like this morning, sweet mellow happy moments, i'm reminded to soak it in and be in it, with all of myself. through motherhood, i'm reminded that every moment is new. and in those moments i can choose: to be the kind of mom i want to be and to take a deep breath and to be more patient. to be kind and to be loving and to be all the things that i want her to see in me and that i want her to be able to be for her babies. it's a cycle, this life we're blessed to live, and i want to do the best i can to add all the good juju possible to it.  i've thought a lot lately about how fleeting time is and i want to remind myself more often to really be present - to be right here. and as i affirm it... i am. i love how that works.